


~ So come on love, draw your swords ~

by SerMisty



Series: PolyPearls [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blue Pearl is mute, F/F, Gen, I'm so sorry tbh, Pearl has cried more in my fics than in canon I'm so sorry, Rose is actually not the perfect being Pearl says she is, This is so sad omg, White Pearl Theory, also third chapter with a lot of Garnet added, blame a friend of mine for this, now with a companion piece that features also Yellow yay, this is SO FUCKING ANGST OKAY IT GETS WORSE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6182083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerMisty/pseuds/SerMisty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[CHAPTER 3 ADDED!]</p>
<p>[1] Rose has no idea of what she's asking her to do. And Pearl will keep lying, just as Blue keeps smiling. </p>
<p>[2] The Renegade pays a visit.<br/><i>«White, I know you’re there».</i></p>
<p>[3] Garnet tells her. Pearl doesn't listen. She pays the consequence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There’s nothing to save out of Blue Diamond’s cloud arena. 

Where once were pillars, now there’s rubble; where once were warps and tents and Blue Diamond’s walking room, now ther's only broken wreckage, fire, flames, smoke. 

Where once were standing gems, now there are shattered shards. 

Rose walks near the fire that Garnet and other gems are putting down. Her body is covered with scratches and dirt, her dress is ripped at the edges, but she’s still there. 

And they have won. 

Rose bends down and bubbles the gems that have only been poofed, leaving them on the ground to be picked up later. She looks at the shards of so many colors, holding in a sigh, and moves them away with the tip of her shoe. 

Behind her, she can hear the rebels rejoice. Her voices are full of tears, happiness and relief.   
One voice is closer than the others.   
«Are you hurt?» 

Pearl comes near her as fast as she can, limping on her right leg. Her pale skin is darkened by bruises, but she still holds her sword in one hand. 

Rose knows it’s luck she has made through this battle without being poofed. It happens rarely. 

She caresses her cheek. 

«I’m fine» she reassures her. «I’m just tired, but happy».   
«Of course you are!» Pearl says. «We won! Blue Diamond’s court has been defeated. Blue Diamond _herself_ has been defeated! You were so great. When you managed to struck your sword in Blue Diamond’s chest… You were amazing! You _are_ amazing». 

Rose laughs a little and Pearl blushes. Rose pulls her in a hug. 

«But the war’s not over, my dear» she murmurs. «Blue Diamond is a great step forward, but Yellow Diamond won’t give up. The moment she knows about Blue Diamond’s defeat, she will attack. And we have lost so many gems today… We are not ready to face her». 

Pearl hums against Rose’s skin. 

«We can hide until we are ready».   
«She will find us».   
«Did Garnet tell you that?»   
«The only way to delay the confrontation is to make sure Yellow Diamond doesn’t know. Not right now». 

Pearl feels slightly uneasy all of sudden. Rose’s arms are holding her a little too tight. She laughs nervously. 

«Are you trying to tell me something, Rose?» 

The quartz sighs. 

«There is a gem still alive here». 

Pearl gasps and breaks the hug to look Rose in the eyes. 

«What?» she exclaims. «That’s impossible! How do you know?»   
«Garnet saw her».   
«B-But I’ve checked this place three times, together with Aquamarine and Topaz! Who hasn’t been shattered is still in their gem, I can assure you».   
«Garnet said she’s been hiding all this time, under what’s left of Blue Diamond’s mechanical room». 

Pearl blushes, embarrassed by her neglect. 

«Who is she?» she asks. 

Rose sighs again. 

«Blue Diamond’s Pearl». 

Pearl freezes. 

She made a promise at the start of the war, or rather a deal with herself: she wouldn’t have thought about Blue, or Yellow, or any other pearl they could have meet. She wouldn’t have looked down at the shards and try to recognize the too familiar shape and surface of a pearl’s gem. She wouldn’t have gone near the Diamonds, and if Blue or Yellow were to die, she wouldn’t have known.   
She even dared to hope that a pearl could be considered too harmless to be broken, and that they would have only been poofed. That they could have been safe. 

And now – oh, irony, how much she hates irony – Blue is not only safe, she’s alive, and the look on Rose’s face makes her everything but relieved. 

Her own expression must be unreadable. Rose puts one hand on her shoulder.

«You know her, don’t you? You have probably seen her when… When you were in White Diamond’s court». 

Rose does not know. Of course. How could she? It’s not her fault. Nobody knows what the relationship between Blue, Yellow and White – but she’s _the Renegade_ now, she’s just _Pearl_ – was. Rose thinks exactly like everybody else thinks, that pearls are forbidden from every sort of interaction, that pearls do not talk with each other, never, that they can’t laugh and cry and hold hands and hug and maybe share a kiss.   
Rose knows Pearl does, because Pearl is defective – _beautiful_ , _perfect_ in Rose’s eyes, but still defective – but she doesn’t really consider other pearls.   
Rose, after all, doesn’t particularly care. 

And it’s not her fault, of course – she has so many things to think about, the rebellion, the war, _of course_ there are only two sides at her eyes, who is with them and who isn’t – but Rose doesn’t know and she won’t know and Pearl is shivering. 

«Why are you telling me this?» it comes out like a hoarse whisper, it scratches her throat.   
«She could be a threat» Rose explains. «If we let her go, she may reach Yellow Diamond and tell her what happened here. Do you understand, Pearl? We can’t let her live». 

Pearl keeps trembling. She doesn’t dare to look Rose in the eyes. 

«Blue Diamond’s Pearl is mute» she replies. If it’s a desperate attempt to drop the argument, Pearl herself doesn’t know. 

Rose shakes her head slowly. 

«She could show her a hologram, could she?»   
«Yes» Pearl admits.   
«Then she is a threat, Pearl». 

Rationally, Pearl knows Rose may be right. Blue could run away, find Yellow Diamond and show her everything that happened there, show her the exact moment Blue Diamond was stabbed by Rose’s sword.   
Rose could be in danger.  
Deep inside, she knows Blue would never do that – and she knows that it would take too much to explain why she's so sure of that, if it is even possible. 

Pearl’s grip tightens around her sword’s handle. Her free hand closes in a fist. She trembles. 

«Do you want me to kill her, Rose?» she murmurs. 

Rose sighs another time. 

«You move fast, you are a good fighter. And you are a pearl. She will trust you, she won’t put up a fight. You can give her a painless death. I know Blue Diamond’s Pearl has done nothing wrong, believe me, I really wouldn’t want to do this» _then don't_ , «but Garnet saw a future full of devastation and death and I can’t risk it, do you understand?» 

Rose has no idea of what she is asking her. Rose will never know, because that’s for that better. Pearl can’t believe in the future Garnet saw, but how can she explain that to Rose? And who is she to discredit Garnet’s powers?   
The future, for her, is completely uncertain. Always. 

«I won’t force you, Pearl. I can send someone else if you want to. Can you do it?» 

Pearl raises her head, finds the strength to face Rose’s eyes.   
She would give up her life for those eyes, but she never considered this.

«Of course I can». 

This is the first lie she ever tells Rose. 

 

***

 

The cloud arena is way larger than Pearl remembers, especially now that she has to walk through scattered fires, dragging her right leg a little bit, holding the sword in one hand and the weight of the mission on her shoulders. 

She can see the remains of Blue Diamond’s machine far ahead and she wishes she can just keep walking and walking and walking, and never reach it. 

She can’t do it.   
_(She has to)_.   
She doesn’t want to do it. 

Rose is a rare gem. Rose is special, of course, but Rose Quartzes are in general very hard to fight. Rose has never faced anybody with her same gem and she probably never will. Amethysts and jaspers are quartzes too, but they are not really her kind, so she fights them just like any other enemy. 

Rose has no idea of what being a pearl means. Of how it is to look around and see in other pearls your same expression, your same dead eyes, your same fear. Of what is like to feel like the same doll dressed in thousands of different dresses. Of what is like to be a kind, and to have only that.   
Even before the rebellion, Rose was friend with emeralds and tourmalines and citrines and many, many others. Pearls only have other pearls to talk to, and no one else. 

Pearl only had Blue and Yellow, and she left them. 

They are the only things she misses from the old days. 

Pearl finally reaches Blue Diamond’s machine, turned on one side, and this time she immediately notices the ground that has been moved.   
She hopes Blue has already fled. 

But she’s exactly where she expects her to be. 

Not very far away from the destroyed walking room, there she is. From where she stands Pearl can only see her back, but it’s enough for her to have to hold on the machine for stability.   
Blue keeps her hands in front of her, her skirt and her hair flutter at the wind. She stays immobile, maybe she’s thinking, maybe she’s waiting.   
Pearl is horribly sure she’s waiting for her. 

She fights back the tears that are already wetting her eyes. For the first time the sword feels uncomfortable in her palm, as she’s not supposed to be holding it.   
She walks forward, careful not to make a noise. 

Pearl hopes that Blue doesn’t turn around. That she can slash her sword once, poofing her, without having to look at her face. That she can convince herself that the gem she is shattering isn’t Blue’s, but someone else’s. That would be easy, _easier_ at last, that could be done. 

But Blue does turn around, and not because Pearl has been loud but because she _knows_ , and she’s exactly how Pearl remembers and she just wants to run away. 

Instead she stays still, facing eyes she can’t see under Blue’s bangs, fighting a quiet smile that has always talked in her place.   
The first thing she says, she that has a voice, is: «You’re good at hiding». 

It comes out fierce, dry, more confident than Pearl is. Blue, who’s also covered in dirt, nods softly like she hasn’t noticed that Pearl is holding a sword. 

If Pearls doesn’t organize her thoughts, dozens of apologies and questions will come out. So she goes straight to the point.   
«Do you know why I’m here, don’t you?» 

Blue nods again. Of course she knows. 

That doesn’t make it easier at all. 

Pearl looks at Blue’s face and she thinks at how much she has missed her.   
She wonders if she can really be the one to erase that smile. 

She limps when she makes a step forward, but her leg isn’t the whole reason behind it.   
«I have no choice» she justifies, the sword almost slips out of her hand. «I’ve been told that you could be a threat, and I can’t let it happen. We’re on different sides, now. I can’t let you go». 

Blue keeps smiling, terribly calm. She’s not afraid.  
She opens her arms and leaves her chest uncovered. Her gem is shining.   
She waits. 

And Pearl, all of sudden, feels a jolt of anger. 

This, this is what really broke the three of them apart. This constant acceptance of what is about to happen, this refusal of fighting, of standing up for themselves. 

If Blue doesn’t fight her destiny, Pearl will be forced to slash the sword. 

And the sword is too heavy. 

«This is it?» Pearl hisses and she can’t believe it, Blue can’t be doing this to her, Blue can’t be doing this to herself. «You’re going to let me kill you?» 

Blue just smiles. 

Pearl’s tears burn in her eyes. Her body trembles. 

«Don’t you…» 

(Everything has changed but nothing has changed and she hates her and she hates herself and she can’t but she must and she won’t and)

« _Don’t you have any respect_?!» 

Pearl jumps forward, ignoring her wounded leg, puts her hands against Blue’s shoulder – she’s a little too much careful about keeping the blade of the sword away from her – and pushes her. Blue staggers backward, keeps smiling. 

«Don’t just stand there!» Pearl screams, and she pushes and pushes and pushes again. «Fight me! Take out your spear, I know you can do it! Stop smiling, don’t accept this! Rebel! Take your weapon and face me, fight for your life! _Stop smiling_! Let out your anger on me! Cry, beg, beat me up, just _do something_ , for stars’ sake!» 

Pearl pushes one last time and Blue falls on the ground. She shakes her head a little and then looks up – and nothing has succeeded in making her quiet smile go away.   
Pearl gasps for air she doesn’t need. She raises her sword. 

Hot tears make her vision blurry, and she tries to tell herself that’s the only reason she doesn’t strike down. 

«How did we come to this?» she shrieks, one by one tears fall down her cheeks and wet the ground next to her feet. «I asked you. I asked _you both_ to follow me, and you didn’t. You decided to stay. If I’m here now, and you’re there, it’s your fault, not mine! If we’re enemies it’s your fault, not mine! If I have to kill you it’s your fault, not mine!» 

Her body shakes with sobs. Blue doesn’t move, neither does her smile. Why should it?   
Blue is not angry at all. 

«Why didn’t you come with me when I asked?» Pearl cries. «Why did you stay? Why…» 

And then the sword feels too heavy and Pearl opens her hand, lets it fall. The blade chimes when it hits the ground. 

« _Why don’t you hate me_?» 

Pearl wavers, surrenders. She puts all her weight on the wounded legs and she can’t hold herself up, she falls, right next to the sword, she falls and cries. 

She hides her face behind her hands, not bearing the idea of seeing, of being seen. 

«You should hate me» she manages to say, within the pain that presses her throat. «I left you. I betrayed you. I put you all in danger. You could die and it’s my fault. Yellow could die and it’s my fault. And still-» she stops, coughs, tears find their way between her fingers. «And still, you don’t fight me! You don’t rush against me, you don’t run away. You smile. You _smile_ , and I can’t, and I-» 

A shadow covers Pearl, who has bent on the ground, smashed by the weight of their history. Blue kneels in front of her and when Pearl looks up, daring to lower her hands, she can see that she’s crying, too. 

Tears wet her smiling mouth, a sad but fearless and reassuring smile. 

Pearl throws her arms around Blue’s neck, clawing at her skin like she’s the only handhold she has with the world. She hides her face in the curve of her neck and lets the tears fall along her shoulder.   
Blue hugs her and strokes her back, gently, slowly. 

Pearl would like to stay like that forever. She knows her time is already over. 

«Go away». 

Blue stops her caresses. Pearl breaks the hug, wipes away her tears with one hand and with the other lifts Blue’s bangs, watching her right in the eyes. 

«Go away. Run. There must be a warp to Homeworld somewhere. Go to Yellow, hide on Earth, just _go_. Stay away from us. Stay away from me. For your own sake». 

Blue’s smile suddenly disappears. For a moment, there are only tears.   
She bends, presses her lips on the side of Pearl’s mouth. When she stands up, her tears are gleaming dew and she’s smiling again. 

Blue turns around and runs. 

Pearl watches her until she’s a speck in the horizon, until she disappears. With a bit of luck, she’ll find the warp. With a bit of luck, she’ll be okay. 

Pearl finds her sword and uses it as a support to get up on her feet. It’s the only thing it is useful for. 

 

***

 

When Pearl comes back, Rose sees her and smiles reassured. 

«I was getting worried» she admits. «Did you find her?»   
«Yes» Pearl answers.   
«Did you kill her?»   
«Yes». 

It’s the second lie she tells Rose. 

«Are you okay?» 

Pearl doesn’t limp anymore, numb to the pain of her leg. She walks until she finds Rose’s arms and hides in there, smelling her scent, telling herself this is exactly what she wants – and it is, it _is_ , but, _oh_.

«I am now». 

It’s the third lie she tells Rose. But Rose will never know. 

Pearl closes her eyes and thinks of Blue’s smile. 

Rose will never know that, either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Renegade pays a visit. 
> 
> _«White, I know you’re there»._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just felt the first chapter needed a companion piece with Pearl/Yellow, that is all

Pearl runs away from the camp one evening for a single reason. 

She uses the warp Rose has discovered, the one Rose has told her never to activate before time because they would know and they would destroy it, she uses it for a single reason.

She advances in Yellow Diamond’s domains, she faces the possibility of being caught, of ruining everything, for a single reason. 

For that single reason alone, she manages to escape the guards and set on fire two spaceships before running away in the opposite direction. 

Covered by terrified gems, Pearl climbs the wall of Yellow Diamond’s castle because of that _one single reason_. 

She knows exactly which room it is – the smaller, the darker, of course, she _remembers_ – and she knows that nobody will be around, that the fires she started will keep warriors and technicians occupied long enough. She knows that nobody will look up to such an insignificant room, so she sits on the edge of the small window, one leg stretched and the other dangling out in the void, gently brushing the back of her fingers on the blade of her sword. 

She waits. 

She thinks about Rose, about Garnet, about Rose again, she thinks that she could still turn around, go back, try to solve some of the troubles she has caused. She doesn’t move. 

Her wait does not last long. 

The door opens sliding on the right and a faint light enters the room, not enough to reach Pearl’s figure. Hurried steps echo inside, and then the door closes again.   
Pearl stays where she is. She smells the smoke in the air. 

«White, I know you’re there». 

Pearl lets out a sigh and smirks. Of course she does, she’s right in front of the window. The fire, not very far away, projects her shadow on the floor.   
Those same flames enlighten Yellow’s face. 

Pearl looks up. She is not surprised to see the other frown, arms crossed, but Yellow’s eyes are shining with something that isn’t an effect of light and is probably a mirror of what twinkles in Pearl’s own eyes. 

«It’s been a while» Pearl says.   
«You should not be here» Yellow’s voice is firm and harsh. «This is not your place, nor your world, nor your side».   
«Was it ever?» 

Yellow shakes her head, rolls her eyes. She turns around, making sure the door is closed, and then walks up to her. She leans out of the window like Pearl is not there, and the Renegade restrains the instinct of gently messing up Yellow’s topknot like she used to do years before. 

(She misses the old days, sometimes). 

«Yellow Diamond is furious» Yellow informs her. «Those spaceships were full of supplying for the Injectors of one of her colonies’ Kindergartens. Have you started the fire?» 

Pearl takes a moment to reflect on how simple it is for Yellow to talk about those _horrible machines_ – as Rose calls them – which she has only read about in Yellow Diamond’s reports. She does know what they are used for, but she has no idea of their impact on the planets. Pearl herself, after all, discovered about it only when she landed on Earth.   
It’s not her place to tell her, and surely not the right moment. 

«Yes» she answers.   
«I knew it. Yellow Diamond is blaming Rose Quartz, but I was sure it was you. Only you could do something this _crazy_ ». 

Yellow steps back, brushing her fingers against Pearl’s bare arm. Pearl wants to believe it’s not a mistake. 

«You should not be here» Yellow repeats. She doesn’t give any explanation this time. She doesn’t need to: the reasons are many and obvious. 

Gems’ screams come from out of the window. The spaceships are still burning. 

«Why don’t they call a Lapis?» Yellow mutters. Pearl sighs, but Yellow doesn’t give it importance. «Stupid Peridots. Think they can fix everything by themselves». 

She moves away from the window and leans against a wall. Pearl keeps caressing her sword. 

«I’m here» she begins, «because I need to tell you something».   
«I don’t want to hear it».   
«I think you do». 

Yellow doesn’t reply. Pearl interprets it as a permission to talk. 

«It’s something Yellow Diamond doesn’t know yet» she affirms. «And the more time passes before she discovers it the better it is for us rebels. But you _need_ to know, because…» 

She sighs again. From where she lays she can’t see Yellow’s face: if she could, she’s not sure she could go on. 

«We defeated Blue Diamond». 

There is no answer. 

«We destroyed her Cloud Arena» Pearl continues, looking at herself in the smooth surface of the blade. «Many of us have died. All of her warriors have been shattered. Blue Diamond herself has been broken. She is dead. Rose killed her and sent me to search for-» 

And then Pearl gets grabbed by her shirt and it’s so quick and sudden that she, the Renegade, has no time to react. She gets thrown on the floor and only when both of her palms hit the ground she realizes she isn’t holding her sword anymore.   
Yellow stands above her, pointing the blade at her forehead. Her eyes are burning with rage and scared tears that refuse to fall down. 

«I swear» she threatens, «if you’ve killed _her_ , I’m going to shatter you right here, right now-!»   
«No! No» Pearl replies. «I didn’t. Of course I didn’t».

From the twinkle in Yellow’s eyes Pearl is sure she believes her, even if the other doesn’t say so. 

«Why should I trust you?»   
«Because you know me». 

Yellow’s hand trembles and then the sword falls on the ground, echoing in the room. Yellow presses her palms against the wall, bends her head, inhales air she does not need.   
Pearl picks up her sword and stands. 

«I didn’t kill Blue» she reassures her. «She’s alive».   
«Then where is she?» Yellow retorts, not turning around. «How can you be sure she’s fine?» 

She can’t. But Pearl won’t say it out loud. 

«That’s why I’m here» she goes on. «I let her go. I told her to run away, to hide, to reach you, and-»   
«You let her go?» Yellow turns to face her, shocked. « _Alone?_ Are you cracked?! You basically condemned her to death!»   
«Blue is not helpless» Pearl justifies. «She has more resources than we believe».   
« _She can’t even talk!_ » Yellow snaps. «If they catch her and ask her questions, and she can’t answer, they won’t understand! They’ll kill her! _Stars_ , they’ll kill her!»

She puts her hands on her hips, clawing at her skin through the fabric of her leotard, and takes a deep chocked breath. She tries as hard as she can to hold back tears. 

(Pearl remembers what she told her once, that Yellow Diamond hates to see crying). 

Pearl knows Yellow is right. She moves forward, raises one arm, but hesitates to touch her. 

«Listen» she murmurs, closing her hand, «nobody knows I’m here. Not even Rose. Nobody». 

She thinks about Garnet and her future vision and wonders if she Saw. She wonders if Garnet will tell Rose, if Rose will hate her.   
Right now, she couldn’t care less. 

«If I know Blue, she will try to reach you. And you need to be ready. You have to meet her, you have to protect her».   
«Me?» Yellow replies. A tear escapes her control and rolls down her cheek, she wipes it away furiously.   
«You know Yellow Diamond better than anyone else. You know how she’ll react seeing Blue, knowing what happened to Blue Diamond. You and only you know what’s best to do and say to stay alive». 

Yellow’s eyes widens when she realizes what Pearl means. The choice that Pearl is giving her.   
She tries to regain a composure, frowns, crosses her arms. 

«Are you consciously being a double-crosser, or do you believe that I won’t say anything to Yellow Diamond?»   
«I believe that you will do what you think it’s necessary to stay safe» Pearl answers. «If you think that telling Yellow Diamond about our victory will keep you and Blue alive, then do it; if you think that the only way not to be broken is to hide the truth and Blue with it, then do it. I’m giving this choice to you». 

Yellow doesn’t look like she wants it, but she accepts it. 

«You’re risking everything» she points out. «You’re risking your life, the life of your companions, the victory of the war… Because you want us to be safe?»   
«Because I care about you» Pearl corrects.   
«If you really cared you wouldn’t have left». 

Yellow lowers her head. The light of the fires out of the window makes two tears shine as they wet the floor.   
Pearl moves another step forward, stopping in front of her. She does not dare to touch her. She sighs. 

«Do you hate me» she asks, «because I left?» 

When Yellow raises her head again, on her eyelashes there is only a faint gleam. 

«I don’t hate you because you left» she replies. «I hate you because you don’t realize the impact you have. There are too many Pearls that think what you do is amazing». 

Pearl, despite everything, finds the strength to smile gently. To hope. 

«Are you one of them?» 

Yellow blushes slightly, but doesn’t get all flustered as Pearl imagined. 

(That was a long time ago). 

«I’m sure you realize that I _can’t_ be one of them».   
«If you want to stay alive».   
«If I want to stay alive».   
«That’s why you’ll make the right choice». 

Pearl’s arms tremble, they search for a hug that won’t come. Her lips are dry and begging for a kiss that Pearl won’t ask for.   
She dares to hope that Yellow is thinking that same things, and Yellow stares at her and for a second leans forward but then looks away and walks towards the window. 

«They’re putting out the fire» she warns. «You should probably go». 

Pearl nods. There’s nothing else she can do. 

There’s nothing else she can fix. 

She stops in front of Yellow, again. One hand on the cornice of the window, close to Yellow’s one but too scared of seeing hers jerk away for trying to touch. 

«I haven’t even asked how are you».   
«Really, White, what a _dumb_ question». 

A short faint laugh escapes both of their mouths. It’s the closest to a goodbye they can get.   
Wishing good luck would be pointless, just like adding anything else. So Pearl adds nothing and jumps down. 

 

She is lucky and skilled enough to find her way back to the warp without being caught. She hopes Yellow is still thinking about her when she disappears in a flash of light. 

 

 

(When Blue finally arrives, safe and sound, Yellow allows herself to cry). 

(Blue stays in her room, because nobody ever checks the room of a Pearl. Yellow doesn’t tell her Diamond anything). 

(She’s not sure it’s the right choice, but it’s the one she makes).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet tells her. Pearl doesn't listen. She pays the consequence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> third and last installment! Thank you for the read!

It should have been a one-time thing. 

She has taken a risk, she has lied, she has almost betrayed her companions – she has betrayed _Rose_ – for a very specific reason, and she has no regrets, but it should have been a one-time thing. 

Pearl just can’t stop coming back. 

It’s to make sure, she tells herself. It’s just to be certain that Blue arrived safe and sound. So she uses the warp, runs in dark alleys, reaches Yellow Diamond’s castle and spies through the window of Yellow’s room.  
Blue is there, so is Yellow, and they’re fine.  
Pearl does not have the courage to let them aware of her presence. She looks at them for a while, she looks at their smiles and casual touches, and then flees. 

She keeps telling herself that _it’s just to be sure_. The fact that every single evening she disappears from the camp – _patrol_ , she says – and uses the warp, and risks of being caught, and spies through the window of the castle, it’s _just to be sure_.  
She puts her own life and the life of her companions on the line for few minutes of peeking inside of a room. She risks everything for few minutes of smiles and laughs and kisses and hugs. 

It’s not _just to be sure_. She’s drawn to them by an explicable force and she can’t resist. They are the last bridge that connects her to her past, the only good thing that her life on Homeworld could ever give her. They are a wire that brings her back every night and that she can’t cut, that she doesn’t want to cut. 

Pearl watches them through the window and imagines herself sitting on the small couch next to them. She doesn’t dare to enter, to intrude what once what hers, too. 

They have cut the wire already, but it hurts to admit. So Pearl keeps coming back. 

 

***

 

«I know what you’ve been doing». 

Pearl has already a foot on the warp when she hears the voice. She turns around, brandishing her sword, until she realizes that it’s just Garnet. 

Garnet has become a great friend of hers and a wonderful addiction to the team. Her future vision has helped them in many cases – but now, Pearl feels like a criminal caught in the act. 

«I don't know what you're talking about» she tries. 

Garnet scratches her hair, now mostly black but with some remaining shades of pink and blue. Her three eyes are staring directly at her. 

«You don’t, really?» 

Pearl lowers her weapon and looks away – and really, all of this is ridiculous. She is the Renegade, she is well known and respected, Garnet should have no right to judge her or make her feel bad. 

(But Garnet does a lot of things she isn’t supposed to do, just like Pearl does). 

Her silence is the answer to Garnet’s question. The Fusion steps forward, slowly shaking her head. 

«I Saw your short trips in Yellow Diamond’s domains since the first time» she says. «I didn’t talk to you about it because I was trying to understand, but I don’t. I don’t get why you go back every night». 

Pearl sighs. Her eyes are still fixed on the ground. 

«You’d need past vision for that». 

It’s been so many years, that Pearl sometimes is afraid she’ll wake up one day and won’t remember. She is afraid she will forget that first time she, Blue and Yellow were left alone in the waiting room, and how unusual it was for the three of them to start talking, or how scared she was that they could notice the defect on her gem. She is afraid she will forget the first time they laughed together, and cried, and hugged, and swore the secret of a friendship and something more.  
She is terrified she will forget the first time they kissed. 

Rose does not know about all of that – Rose never really _asked_ – and Pearl does not expect or want Garnet to understand, but The Fusion is prone to notice matters of this kind. 

«Oh» she hums. «I thought that you and Rose were in…»  
«We are!» Pearl snaps, blushing furiously of a bright cerulean, and she raises her head. «We are, I mean, _I am_ , I _suppose_ she is too, this has nothing to do with – this is not…» 

She looks away again. 

«They’re something different». 

Garnet nods, raising her gemmed hands. 

«Alright, sorry. I’m not here to inquire. I’m here to stop you». 

Pearl frowns, still flushed. Her grip tightens on the sword’s handle. 

«Excuse me?»  
«We are still recovering from Blue Diamond’s battle. We are half the number we were before, we need time to train and form new strategies».  
«I know that».  
«No, you don’t. You’re always gone at night and you’re distracted during the day». 

Pearl snarls, offended. How dares she? She was terrified of her not so long ago, and now she’s giving her lectures? 

«So?» she defies. 

Garnet frowns with all three of her eyes. She doesn’t like her tone and Pearl understands – after all, Garnet is _right_.

«You’re using a warp Rose explicitly told us to leave as a last resort» Garnet accuses. «You’re invading the enemy territory, you burned two of Yellow Diamond’s spaceships – you think I don’t know their surprise attack the other day was because of that? – and you keep risking of being caught. Yellow Diamond’s troupes outnumber us and you are provoking her to attack, which she will do if she finds out about your visits or our victory against Blue Diamond. You are putting us all in danger!»  
«That’s enough!» Pearl shouts. She knows about all of that, she _knows_ , but she just can’t stop. «What do you know about me? What do you know about them? I have my reasons to do all of this!»  
«I don’t care about them, or your reasons. I care about the war».  
«You care _only_ about the war! You didn’t leave anything behind, you – you had no life before of this! _I did_!»

It’s sharp, it’s crude – but it’s _true_ , and Pearl sustains Garnet’s stare. 

The Fusion closes her eyes, nods, sighs.  
In some way, she even seems relieved – because she’s not Ruby or Sapphire, she’s _Garnet_ and yes, she has nothing back on Homeworld that aren’t memories of the two gems that have fused into her. Pearl knows and respects that – but Garnet _can’t understand_. 

«Don’t go» Garnet says. She’s calmer, now. It’s almost a plea. «It’s not just because of the risk. I’ve Seen into the future. I know what will happen. And it won’t be good». 

Pearl crosses her arms. 

«I’m not so naïve to fall for that».  
«I’m serious. This will end badly. Horribly. For everyone. Don’t go».  
«How do you know?» Pearl snarls. This is ridiculous, it’s just a trick, she doesn’t believe it. «Your visions aren’t always right. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. This is the last time». 

It’s a lie, both of them know. 

Garnet shakes her head. 

«Please».  
«Bye, Garnet». 

Pearl turns around and steps on the warp. Garnet’s eyes – her third, mostly – are still fixed on her when she disappears. 

 

***

 

Pearl takes alleys darker than usual, is more cautious than ever, and when she reaches Yellow Diamond’s castle she smirks at herself, proud. 

She was right. Garnet was wrong. Nothing happened, they’re okay, she’s not putting anyone in danger. 

She just wants to see them. How is that a crime? She deserves it. 

(Love is strange; Ruby altered fate for it, Sapphire turned her back to her life. Pearl gave up everything she knew for love, but it’s for love that she always comes back). 

She climbs the wall with thrilled enthusiasm – _she was right_ – until she reaches the small window.  
She peeks inside, and there they are.  
Yellow stands up in front of a sitting Blue, doing an impersonation of something – _“And when she gets angry, she looks like this!”_ – and Blue smiles widely and claps her hands, and there’s no way Pearl will ever get over Blue’s unique and genuine laugh or Yellow’s softness around her. 

She thinks of when Yellow showed that gentleness with her, or Blue laughed at something she said, and a little melancholic giggle escapes her mouth. 

It’s enough. Yellow turns around – skilled, too skilled to hear any kind of sound – and her eyes widen, she gasps, she jumps.  
Blue looks too, her mouth falls open in shock. 

Pearl stiffens, gulps, almost slips from the thin eaves where she is standing. She's embarassed, a little scared, but also relieved.  
After all, maybe, she has wanted them to notice her since the first day.  
She jumps inside the room. 

«Hey». 

Yellow sinks her fingers in her hair, taking deep breaths. Blue – oh, she so _cute_ – quietly raises one hand to awkwardly greet her. 

«I can’t believe it!» Yellow shrieks, tries to lower her voice, it comes out high pitched and hoarse. «What are you doing here? Haven’t you had enough of burning spaceships?»  
«I burned no spaceship this time» Pearl smirks. «I just wanted to see if you were okay». 

It’s not a lie, is it? 

Yellow groans. 

«Are you hearing this?» she tells Blue. «Like she’s visiting for pleasure. Do you even understand» she turns to Pearl again, «the situation we’re in?» 

Maybe that’s the problem.  
She doesn’t. 

«I just wanted to-» Pearl cuts herself off. There’s something in the pit of her stomach that makes her uncomfortable, but she refuses to listen to it.  
Blue stands up, moves a step, but Yellow puts herself between her and Pearl. 

«Go away, White».  
«I-»  
«We’re fine. I didn’t tell Yellow Diamond anything. We’re okay, but you need to go».  
«Alright, but-» 

And then, just like that, it’s too late. 

The door slides on one side and opens and two big Citrines barge in, followed by a Jasper. They scream one over another – orders maybe? Or simply war cries? – and Pearl is still confused and hurt by Yellow’s harshness to react as quickly as she should. 

One of the Citrine is onto her in a matter of instants. She slams her against the wall, trying to smash her with the weight of her body.  
Pearl reacts with a head-butt that hurts them both, since the Citrine has the gem on her nose. Pearl frees herself, grabs the sword from her side, ready to thrust. 

Her eyes aren’t focused. Her eyes are _always_ focused on the enemy, even when she moves backwards, but not this time. They disobey, they run away, searching Blue and Yellow. 

She has just the time to see the second Citrine holding Yellow immobile with a single arm and the Jasper keeping Blue’s hands behind her back, before the first Citrine is on her again. 

The quartz punches her shoulder and she must know what she is doing, because Pearl cries out and the sword slips away from her hand. The Citrine’s big hand grasps her hair and slams her head against the wall – she hits her temple, not her gem, but Pearl sees stars anyway – then grabs her arm and twists it until it hurts. She pulls her close and wraps one arm around her throat. The other surrounds her waist, keeping still one of her arms at the same time.  
Pearl kicks the air, trying to scratch the Citrine’s arm on her throat with her free hand. It’s no use, and she already knows. 

She is the Renegade, and she’s been caught – and Blue and Yellow with her. 

Garnet’s words echo in her mind.

«Look at this!» the Citrine guffaws. «I succeeded in what other failed! I caught the Renegade!»  
«Yeah, but it was me that spotted her» the Jasper replies, pulling Blue’s arms down just for fun. Blue struggles to keep standing. «You were too busy slouching around!»  
«Yellow Diamond is gonna freak out!» the second Citrine laughs. She snatches Yellow’s hair and tugs her head backwards. «What is she gonna say when she finds out her pearl is a rebel, too?» 

Pearl has never seen Blue and Yellow so scared. Pearl has never been so scared either. 

«I-I’m not a rebel» Yellow murmurs in one go, pressing her eyes closed not to let the tears fall. «I was always loyal to My Diamond and-» 

The Citrine releases her hair, violently jerking her head forward. 

«Don’t contradict me!» she spits. «Talk only when spoken to!»  
«You’re not a rebel, and yet you invite the Renegade in your room?» the Jasper laughs. «What do you think we are, fools?» 

Yellow shoots at Pearl a look of fear and rage. Pearl accepts it, the guilt in her chest hurts more than the Citrine’s arm around her neck and the pounding in her head. 

«She’s telling the truth» she says, hoarse voice. She doesn’t need air to breath but she does need it to talk. «They have nothing to do with me. I was searching for a place to hide. They-»  
«Shut up!» the Citrine snarls, her grip on Pearl’s throat becomes stronger. Pearl scratches and kicks and can’t do anything more. «Yellow Diamond is going to give you the punishment you deserve!» 

Pearl cannot believe this is happening. Cannot believe Blue and Yellow are in this situation with her, because of her.  
If only she had known. 

But Garnet had warned her. 

Pearl’s eyes burn with tears that she can’t send back because of the arm pressed against her throat. She’s been reckless, she’s been proud, she’s been blind and blinded by regrets and wishful hopes – and the price she has to pay is watching the ones she loves suffering her same fate. 

The Jasper looks down at Blue, smirking. 

«This one isn’t from here» she observes. She pulls her arms, shaking her. «Hey! Where are you from?» 

The question is enough for Yellow and Pearl to raise their heads. They don’t need to exchange a look to know they have the same panic written on their face. 

«She’s from Blue Diamond’s court-» Yellow answers, but the Citrine pushes her head down, forcing her to bend, and her sentence ends with a shriek.  
«I asked her» the Jasper spits. She leans down to Blue’s level. «Answer me, clod. Where are you from?» 

What hurts Pearl the most is that Blue actually _tries_. She opens her mouth, closes it and opens it again, but no sound comes out.  
Tears falls down her cheeks when she sees the Jasper frowning. 

«I asked you a question!» 

She grabs Blue by the arms – her hands make a complete circle around her thin skin – and shakes her. 

«Answer me, you useless thing!» 

She doesn’t really want to know. It’s only a matter of pride. Blue looks terrified, but she can’t scream – and the Jasper thinks she doesn’t want to, that she’s facing her.

«Please stop!» Pearl kicks and scratches and _oh stars_ , she just wants this to end. «She can’t talk!»  
«It’s the truth!» Yellow agrees. «Let her go!» 

But both the Citrines silence them, laughing. They seem to be having fun.  
«Blue Diamond’s court, uh?» observes the first one. «It’s been a lot since the last time Yellow Diamond spoke to her».  
«Make her talk!» the second sneers. «Ask her what happened to Blue Diamond!» 

«Please-» Pearl tries again, but she is cut off by her own fear before the arm on her throat. She has never felt so helpless since - since the Renegade was born. And now she's dead, right when she needs her. 

«Don’t worry» the Jasper grins. «I know a perfect way to make a little bird sing». 

Pearl and Yellow hear the crack before it comes. 

Pearls are fragile by nature, but Blue is particularly fragile because she has never fought nor she has ever been beaten – like Yellow has. Blue Diamond kept her as a decoration, a cute ornament.  
The Jasper slams Blue against the wall with all the strength she has. They hear the blow and then, sharp and loud and _eloquent_ , the _crack_.

Pearl and Yellow scream with the pain Blue cannot express. 

The quartzes roar a laugh. Blue breaths heavily, crying heavy tears, but this won't make her able to talk. 

«Still silent?» the Jasper scorns. «Very well». 

She pulls Blue backwards, ready to slam her against the wall again, but then the Jasper is no more. 

It happens quickly: there is an explosion and the Jasper’s gem falls on the ground, broken in two. Blue ends up on floor, her arms on her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks.  
Pearl blinks, confused, and all of sudden the pressure of the arm around her neck disappears. Pearl staggers, trampling on the shattered Citrine, and she knows who the figure that runs in front of her is even before seeing her. 

Garnet moves towards the last quartz without hesitation, gauntlets on her hands. The second Citrine pushes Yellow on the floor and faces her, but it takes Garnet one hit under the chin to expose the gem on her neck – the moment after, shards are everything that remains. 

What follows is a heavy and dense silence, full of breaths. 

Yellow is the first to react. She looks at Garnet, surprised, confused, but doesn’t waste time to thank her. She gets up and runs on the other side of the room, _“Blue”_ as a desperate whisper on her lips.  
Pearl moves too, but Yellow pushes her out of the way with no means of being gentle. Pearl stumbles but does not react.  
Garnet picks up Pearl’s sword and puts one hand on her shoulder. It’s probably not a case that she puts herself in the way between Pearl and the other two. 

«Are you okay?» 

Pearl doesn’t answer. Her eyes are fixed on Blue, with her kneels against her stomach and arms on her chest, and Yellow kneeled next to her. 

«Blue, let me see your gem. I need to see it, I need to check». 

Blue cries and cries, her mouth is open in a wail of pain that will never come. She lets Yellow remove her hands and take a look.  
Pearl can see it too, from where she stands: the crack covers half the width of her gem. Blue’s body has little spasms, from pain and from sobs.  
Yellow bites her lip, but manages to force a smile. 

«Hey, it’s fine, you’re going to be okay» she hugs her, letting her rest on her chest, caressing her hair. «It’s not that bad, it’s fine, you’re going to be fine».  
«Let me help» Pearl intervenes. She tries to step forward but Garnet stops her, gently but firmly. «I can call Rose, she has healing tears, she-»  
«Yellow Diamond has a store of medicines» Yellow replies. «There must be some healing essence between them».  
«But I can-»  
« _You’ve done enough_ ». 

Her words are sharp, aggressive, angry. Pearl lets them hit her, but it doesn’t hurt less.  
She deserves all of that, no ifs and no buts. 

«I never wanted this to happen» she murmurs. She needs to talk or her tongue will dry.  
«What did you expect it would happen when you decided to come back?» Yellow retorts in a snarl. «Are you really _so defective_ that you’ve forgotten the war we’re in? Have you forgotten who you are? You’re the Renegade, and that means you have no home to come back to». 

She knows. She had hoped, still.  
Hoped to be welcomed.  
Hoped that the wire was still connecting them. 

«I missed you» she says.  
«You should have thought about it sooner» Yellow declares. «You’ve made a choice. You chose to follow Rose Quartz in the Rebellion – White, _stars_ , it’s time you take some responsibilities for your actions!» 

Blue twitches, she keeps crying. Yellow caresses her, kisses her forehead. She promises in a whisper that she’s going to find the medicines, that she’s going to be okay. 

«We miss you too, you know» she continues, voice lower. Pearl, despite everything, is glad to hear that. She knows it’s not the right time. «But we don’t come searching for you in your camp, risking our life and yours. We knew what we were doing when we decided to stay. Did you?» 

No, she didn’t. Pearl never knows what she’s doing – she plays as it happens. She does what she believes is right, and then it crumbles under her feet, and she falls.  
Blue twitches again. She searches with her fingers the fabric of Yellow’s leotard, grasps at its sides, wetting her shoulder with tears.  
Pearl thinks she should be the one with the cracked gem. 

«I’m sorry». 

But it doesn’t matter. 

Yellow looks away, focuses on Blue, tries to calm her down. 

«Get out of here, White».  
«Please-»  
«Get. _Out_ ». 

Her legs just does not respond. It’s Garnet that moves her, holding her a little too tight by her wrist, and brings her to the window.  
She stops, and from the way her three eyes are fixed in the void, Pearl knows she’s Seeing. 

«You’ll find the healing essence in Yellow’s Diamond personal storage» she reveals, Yellow raises her head immediately. «Third shelf. It’s the last one. Look out for the Topaz as you go there». 

Yellow gulps, confused – she has probably heard of The Fusion just by Yellow Diamond’s wrathful comments – but she has seen enough not to ask questions, not to wonder. 

«Thank you».  
«Nobody else knows about what happened here. Can you take out the evidence?» 

Yellow looks at the shards scattered on the floor. 

«Yes» she affirms. Pearl has no doubt she can. 

Garnet says nothing more and Pearl turns around. Yellow isn’t paying them attention anymore, she whispers gently to Blue, and Pearl wants to say _something_ but _what can she say_?  
Garnet drags her out of the room. 

 

***

 

The moment they warp themselves back in the woods around the camp, Pearl falls. 

She makes two steps, just enough to get off the warp, and then she falls. Her knees knock on the ground, her hands hold desperately at the grass, and she _screams_.

She doesn’t even have the strength to shout really loud, however. It weakens quickly, turning into sobs, and she finally lets tears stream down her face, a burning river of pain. 

Garnet barely looks at her. She throws Pearl’s sword on the ground and then, evoking her gauntlets, smashes the warp with a single hit. Pieces scatter in the field, covered by the dark of the night. 

Pearl cries and cries and Garnet lets her. She walks to her side – she doesn’t lean down, she doesn’t comfort her, she just stands there – and doesn’t say a word, waiting. 

«You were right» it’s the first intelligible sentence between Pearl’s sobs. «I should have listened to you, I was wrong, you-»  
«It’s not a matter of who’s right and who’s wrong» Garnet replies. Her voice is hard with rebuke but slightly softened by something that Pearl can’t help but think of as pity. «Every action has a consequence, and you have faced yours». 

Pearl’s chest is right about to explode. Tears are raining on the grass, the light of the moon makes them shine. 

«I’m sorry».  
«This won’t put back together your friend’s gem».  
«I acted without thinking, it’s my fault, I’m _sorry_ -»  
«I know you are, and yet, being sorry won’t erase their anger. You’re hurting, but they’re hurting too. I-» Garnet sighs. «I don’t really understand you, Pearl. I don’t know what your life on Homeworld was like, I don’t know the history between you and those pearls, and I’m sure you had a good reason to act like you did… But not all futures brought to this end. You have made a choice». 

Pearl cries and wonders if it is because she’s defective. She isn’t supposed to make choices, she should just follow orders, but she doesn’t and every choice she makes is a big mistake.  
But these are just excuses: she was blinded by the mourning of old times and she decided not to see the present. 

Garnet’s eyes open wide as she Sees again. 

«They know about the warp» she says. «They’ll attack tomorrow night. We need to tell Rose». 

And it’s like one of those thunders that happen on Earth, it strikes through Pearl’s body with fear and horror. She jolts immediately, standing up on her knees. 

«No!» she yells. «Please, don’t tell Rose! Don’t tell her what I did!»  
«I have to-» Garnet starts, but Pearl clings at her leg desperately, holding her still.  
«Please!» and Pearl cries and cries. «Don’t tell her! She’ll hate me! Please!»  
«Pearl, there are consequences-»  
« _She’s all I have left!_ »

The bridge to the past has broken. Blue and Yellow are never going to look at her again, nor she is going to see them again.  
Rose is everything she has. And _oh_ – it’s egoistic, she’s almost using her, it’s dreadful for her to do such a thing but – she needs to hide in Rose’s arms more than ever. She needs to feel loved. If Rose turns her back on her, Pearl doesn’t know what she could do. 

Garnet looks at her for long minutes and Pearl wonders if she is Seeing, if she is looking into the future and choosing what’s best for everyone. 

(She wonders if she dies in one of those futures. She wonders if that is the best one). 

Then Garnet sighs and murmurs: «Alright». 

It takes a while for Pearl to catch it. She looks up, face smeared with tears. Garnet nods, slow and serious.  
Something has changed in that moment, and they both know. Pearl isn’t _the Renegade_ anymore in Garnet’s eyes, and Garnet isn’t _the Fusion_. They’ll share a secret – and inevitably, now, they’re bound.  
Pearl wipes her tears away with the back of her hand, ignoring the fact that they start again right after. 

«Thank you» it’s half whispered, half sobbed.  
«Let’s go back». 

They do.  
Pearl turns around to look at the warp one last time. The wire has been cut. 

 

***

 

She never forgets about them, or what happened. She tries not to think about it too much. 

 

***

 

The Sardonyx incident brings it back to life all over again. 

 

«How can I make you forgive me?» 

_(«Let me help, I can-»)._

«You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!» 

_(«You’ve done enough»)._

«I’m sorry!» 

_(«Please-»)._

«I don’t want to hear your excuses!» 

_(«Get out of here, White»)._

 

She wonders if Yellow and Blue have forgiven her. 

 

***

 

«Is that another Pearl?»  
«Who is she?» 

Pearl never really hoped to see them again, after what happened. Not even in a call, not even while staying hidden behind a fallen robot.  
Yellow is exactly like she remembers her. 

Garnet looks at her from behind her visor. 

Pearl’s memories come back in a flow. It burns inside her, but it’s an old and darling flame.  
She dares to wish that the odds could bring them together again. Sometime. 

«Not all Pearls know each other, Steven». 

Maybe, just maybe, the wire hasn’t been cut yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very satisfied with the ending, but while writing I just felt like I needed to quote and compare the Sardonyx incident.  
> Thank you to those who commented/left kudos/read! See ya on the next fic (and I swear it will be polypearls fluff because I need it now myself oh my god)


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